It may be time to say goodbye.

I started this site primarily to unload the emotional garbage that was piling up around me last year, and then it turned into a journal, and then it became the place I wandered back to occasionally, to chronicle my grief process.

It's been less than seven months, so I'm not done with grieving, I know. But there are patterns in it. I can see them now. The breathtaking stomach jabs from missing Mom still hit me but are no longer surprises. The firsts are fewer. And I'm anticipating them better, now. I can see that the time will come this Fall, when the pain of remembering will be excruciating, because that's when things got so very bad last year. And it'll be my birthday and Thanksgiving and Mom's birthday (she would have been 90) and Christmas, all around, no escape. Gah.

I'm not sure that I'll be sufficiently communicative then, to come here. It's possible that I'll just withdraw for a while. Maybe not.

In any case, right now I think that it's time to let byrondarius move on.

I'll keep the site -- maybe I'll keep the posts. If I decide to delete them I'll archive them here on my computer, and include your supportive and loving comments, so that I can read them later, when times are bad again.

What will the site be? I'm not sure yet. I already have a fictional character Vox site -- Hazru the Deedmaker -- and several digital imaging learn/play sites. And a couple of ranting sites. Maybe this one will be another fictional one.

Or maybe I'll need byrondarius tomorrow and this is stupidly premature.

Two days ago I moved Mom's clothes out of her bedroom closet. I'm not rushing into anything. I just wanted you to know what's on my mind.